Yesterday at 10.30 p.m. we had an uninvited visitor- literally barged into our home and perched on the Lazyboy in the centre of our living room. Male or female? I could not say….Dragonfly or damselfly? Let me call it the ‘Other’ for now – looked majestic with the iridescent wings -gossamer, fairy, delicate, stencil, lace….. a host of words came to mind. We had the Swarovski lights on in our living room and its effect magnified the iridescence. I grabbed my phone and took a few pictures but none of them did justice to the transparent or is it translucent creature?
Call it a coincidence – I was penning down a little something that had been on my mind for a while and the dragonfly seemed to be the perfect muse for this –I am so sure he graced us with his presence for a special reason- So here it is……
The iridescent (sorry if I am overusing this word but it’s is such a divine fit) wings show you the beauty and magic in life -of course only if you stop and take notice.
As I saw it tightly stationed on the back of our furniture, pieces of information about it came to mind – it had a short life span, despite how delicate it looked it could lift 15 times its body weight, it could fly at 35 kms an hour and interestingly it could fly in all directions.
I wondered if it’s flight into my home had any significance- call it superstition- it was Halloween Day- souls and spirits visiting perhaps!!??
When in Doubt – Google and so I did
The dragonfly spirit is a reminder to each one of us , that within us lies immense potential. Around the world they are viewed as symbols of self-realisation, transformation, change and even rebirth. And this is what I was writing about-
October being the month that celebrates Mental Health Day wherein a lot of initiatives in this area are launched, I wanted to share my thoughts on Self -Doubt the biggest killer of human potential.
Every one of us are likely victim of this some more so than others. Where does it come from & how does it grow & take deep root destroying the will, wisdom & wherewithal that allows one to break free of it?
Disclaimer Alert: All characters in this are purely hypothetical- any resemblance to real life characters are purely coincidental and intentional
Self- Doubt is a seed that is sown by the voice of the parents that invest so much energy, time & money to make a big achiever of their offspring and actually end up doing the very opposite of it.
The burden of expectations that they download on them is
Culprit #1. Most Indian parents believe that they had it hard, their struggle was immense and they overcame it all to become what they have through sheer grit & determination. Grant it to them that all of it is true- now they hand over the sequel of the battle to the children -the next generation- ‘I did it so you could have a better life’- ‘I am now giving it on a platter to you -half the battle is already won – all you have to do is, follow my plan and design; victory will be yours’.
If you are a ‘good child’ you will follow the design and they are the proud parents who will go about appeasing all the Gods & forefathers for the good karma earned.
Culprit # 2 is lurking on the sidelines- the comparison syndrome-
‘Your brother did it why can’t you?’ Says father –‘You must have got your mothers genes’ that’s why family background is so important in the marriage market”
Look at kamalammas daughter- the maid’s daughter is scoring far higher than you have ever been able to – No tuitions, no fancy books or Internet- No gene pool too- her father is a drunkard doing construction work – our bad luck!!
‘I am not going to the family wedding -all of your cousins have managed to get admissions into Universities in the US- what am I going to tell them all’?
Culprit # 3– is an offshoot of culprit 2-You are an embarrassment to us -you are still trying to figure out and want to take a gap year….?? You couldn’t pass your 10th grade and you want to try your hand at fancy options …Lets accept that this is all you can do, cut our losses and move on.
Culprit #4- Labelling –‘You are a Failure, you are ‘good for nothing’ ‘we should have stopped with one child- you were a mistake’ ‘it’s better we get you married’- (a penalty and an offloading of the black sheep )
Over- achiever successful parents, martyr parents who have given up on their dreams to deploy all their attention and resources for their children, desperate parents who believe their children are their only salvation and permit me to add the teacher ‘who is doing it for your good’……the voice of these parents and teachers making a careless statement here and a public insult there, a constant nagging or a silence that speaks volumes drives many a child to rebel, withdraw or worse still destroy the voice or every ounce of ability & talent that lies unexplored in the young child.
These taunts feed the monster called self-doubt and children are left feeling worthless disinterested or indifferent. They carry this guilt, shame, anxiety and more into their adult often leaving them stunted, under -confident plodding along in courses & careers that they do not have an aptitude or interest for.
Parents can we reflect on this and be better?
The dragonfly spirit reminds us to seize the day and live life to our fullest. It urges us to unmask the real self, remove the doubts and liberate that power that lies dormant in each of us. Like Roald Dahl says “Those who do not believe in magic, will never find it’
The Dragonfly has 80% of its brain power dedicated to its sight- it can see 360 degree around it – so let’s latch on to this spirit of the dragonfly -look all around us and more importantly look deep within ourselves and find our super power and become our potential self.
Dr Vijayashri Ravi
vijayashri@cpcw.org.in